From the battlefields of the streaming wars, an unlikely hero has emerged amongst the many combatants fighting for the attention of at-home viewers. As the great powers of the streaming strife throw weapons of mass distraction at each other in the form of Star Wars limitedseries, video game adaptations, and multi-million-dollar series starring A-listers, an unlikely victor has come forth to lead the people to free movies and endless entertainment…with commercials. That savior is named Tubi.
A free, ad-supported streaming service that offers an endless library of flicks and television shows from every era, Tubi has recently been hailed as the Cinderella story of the streaming wars. Unlike other major streamers, Tubi doesn’t play the streaming game by investing in big-budget shows or huge promotional ads. Instead it marches to the beat of its own drum, allowing fans to discover the platform offering Oscar-winning movies, classic rom-coms, action films galore, and more.
Among the many sweet offerings are also a handful of completely demented titles just waiting to be unearthed. By demented, we mean glorious. Please enjoy these so-bad-they’re-good pics now available on Tubi.
Anatar (2023)
Clearly attempting to capitalize on the success of Avatar but lacking the budget, a proper script, a cast with experienced actors, a director with a clear vision, or the PhotoShop skills to create a non-terrifying poster, this Italian production had to make do with what was available: puns. For you see, this Alan Smithee film’s title means “duck” in Italian.
The story follows humanoids who evolved from ducks looking for a new planet on which to settle. There is a romantic subplot that rivals the romance in Howard the Duck as far as new levels of trauma due to the giant fake beak.
Captions are a must as the film is only available in Italian and quack.
Robo Vampire (1988)
The second installment of the chronologically confusing Robovamp trilogy, in which this film sometimes is billed as Robo Vampire 1: The Return, even though it was released after 1987’s Devil’s Dynamite, or Robo Vampire 2: Devil’s Dynamite. Regardless, the Hong Kong pic’s attempt to cash in on RoboCop with a bloodsucking twist is admirable, despite the odd regard for how sequels are generally released.
After he is shot and killed during an assignment, a cop is given a second chance at life when he is placed inside a robotic body. He is then sent on a mission to rescue a beautiful undercover agent from a drug lord and his vampire cohort. So, despite what the title might allude to, this version of “robocop” fights vampires and is not one of the devil’s minions himself.
Titanic II (2010)
Despite what the title would have you believe, Titanic II is not a sequel to the 1997 James Cameron blockbuster. The story does not follow Rose after her exploits on the doomed ship, nor the adventures of a frozen zombie Jack after he is resurrected once the cursed Heart of the Ocean is thrown back into the sea by centenarian Rose. Instead, this mock-buster is about a brand new Titanic, launched 100 years after the fateful voyage of the original condemned cruise ship, and just like its forsaken namesake, it sets a collision course with peril, but this time, with a combination of tsunamis and icebergs.
Filled with animated scenes straight from a 1998 Sega Dreamcast, subtle messaging regarding the dangers of climate change, and Bruce Davison, Titanic II is an inspiring effort that asks the question, “Why would anyone book passage on Titanic II?”
Please note that there is a horror-themed sequel titled Titanic 666, also available on Tubi.
The VelociPastor (2018)
A passion project from visionary filmmaker, actor, and writer Brendan Steere, the story follows Pastor Doug Jones, who — after he comes into contact with an ancient artifact — finds himself slowly transforming into a velociraptor every time he gets angry. Like the Hulk.
Making the most of his new condition, Father Doug uses his new situation to fight crime. Like the Hulk. With the help of a sex worker, Doug uses his gift to transform into a dinosaur so he can fight drug lords, pimps, and murderers who refuse the salvation of the church.
This dinosploitation revenge tale that has a little something for everyone. Drug-deal ninjas, god-fearing dinosaurs, hookers with a heart of gold, and an anti-drug message for the kids at home. Clearly Mr. Steer is doing the lord’s work with this film, creating the ultimate entertainment package. Like the Hulk.
10/10. No notes.
Miss Castaway and the Island Girls (2004)
So, this is more of a footnote in history that deserves some attention as one of Michael Jackson’s final film efforts. Predominantly featured in the film’s art, one would think he’s the star or island god, there to rescue a group of bewildered, good-looking twentysomethings from possible danger?
The truth is slightly stranger.
Filmed at Neverland Ranch, the parody film follows a group of beauty contestants who crash land on an island inhabited by intelligent humanoid apes, prehistoric beasts, and Noah. As in Noah and the Ark. In the film, Jackson plays Agent MJ, an delgate of the Vatican who tests the mettle of the castaways for…reasons.
The film also stars Eric Roberts because when making one of these lists, Eric Roberts is bound to pop up eventually.
Stalked By My Doctor (2015)
Speaking of Eric Roberts, there is a good chance that most film aficionados have missed out on one of the greatest franchises ever filmed. No, not the Marvel Cinematic Universe, nor the DC Universe or anything found on Friday the 13th or Elm Street. Welcome to the Stalked By My Doctor Universe from Lifetime, otherwise known as the SBMDU, featuring the great Eric Roberts as a medical practitioner with a dangerous hobby and a plethora of beautiful patients.
After heart surgeon Dr. Beck saves young Sophie’s life, he becomes obsessed with her every movie, protective of his patient in a way any state medical board would frown upon. The franchise includes a few films, one of which inexplicably offers a parody of La La Land, complete with musical number.
Santa Jaws (2018)
It is physically incapable of having a list of films after 2013 without a shark movie appearing on it in one form or another. Not since the world was graced with a tornado filled with man-eating sharks that schlock filmmakers saw the benefits of combining the deadly predators of the sea with natural catastrophes, paranormal events, other deadly predators, and the occasional moon landing, for reasons beyond explanation. So, it was only a matter of time before the finned fiend crossed paths with everyone’s favorite yuletide holiday to give the Christmas season a little teeth.
The horror of the holiday season begins when young Cody makes a Christmas wish for the Christmas chaos to quiet down. In a moment of frustration, the boy wishes for his family to “go away.” Sadly, his Christmas wish goes amok as it takes the form of a shark, which devours his noisy family, just as Cody wished.
