Something changed inside of me the day I saw The Mosquitoes wash ashore on a 1965 episode of Gilligan’s Island. I’m not saying it was a Beatles-on-Ed-Sullivan moment, but when the phony mop-top band sped through two songs for Gilligan and the castaways, I was weirdly entranced. The first song, “Don’t Bug Me,” was a goof, an unremarkable joke song, but the second song was different.
It sounded real.
“He’s a Loser” wasn’t a great song, but it didn’t sound like a made-up TV song either. It sounded like it could have been on the radio. I knew it was “fake” but for me it seemed real enough. In that moment I fell in love with the strange artistry of the fake band, and a fetish was born.
Fake bands in cinema speak to a depth of world-building that truly titillates me… but only when I believe the song. Do I believe the song could actually exist in the world? Do I believe the song is more than just a joke? If it’s supposed to be a hit, does it sound like a hit?
And performance-wise, if the actor is lip-synching, do I believe it? Do I believe they can play their instruments? I want to believe. Make me believe!
As a musician and songwriter myself, I give bonus points for actually playing and singing, and super-bonus points if the actor did the songwriting.
So, even with super-bonus points, Eric Idle’s The Rutles don’t make my list because their silliness renders their mock-Beatles tunes one big joke. Likewise with [This Is] Spinal Tap, whose songs are funny, but mediocre at best… even if mediocre-rock was their goal.
With all of that in mind, here are My 7 Favorite Songs by Fake Bands in Real Movies:
“3 Small Words” by Josie and the Pussycats – Josie and the Pussycats (duh)
I’m coming out of the gate with my favorite, from the 2001 satirical film. Outstanding pop-punk production, snappy wordplay, a great vocal performance from Letters to Cleo singer Kay Hanley, and an infectious hook make it one of the very best fake band tracks of all time. Two thirds of the on-screen trio do an admirable job faking their instruments, and I totally believe Rachel Leigh Cook as the leader of an all-girl Blink 182. It’s perfect. This song rips and it should have been a radio hit.
“Blame It on Your Heart” by James Wright – The Thing Called Love (1993)
The Thing Called Love is director Peter Bogdanovich’s dramedy about the songwriting life in early-1990s Nashville. It was also River Phoenix’s final on-screen performance. His cocksure rendition of “Blame It on Your Heart,” a song he wrote as well as sang, is the realest kind of lightning-in-a-bottle, pop-country song. It chugs along with familiar simplicity before extending the chorus into something that becomes distinctly hook-worthy. This under-appreciated movie deserves your time.
“I’m So Humble” by Connor4Real – Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping (2016)
Okay, I know I said that I wasn’t doing joke songs, but the joke here is so perfectly executed that it transcends judgment. This song is fucking great! The beat is sick, the Adam Levine hook is deadly, and Andy Samberg’s performance is stupid/brilliant in a way that leaves me in awe. The film and the soundtrack are hilarious and will eventually be hailed as modern classics.
“When You’re Next to Me” by Mitch & Mickey – A Mighty Wind (2003)
This sweet vocal performance by Eugene Levy and Catherine O’Hara actually yanked a tear out of me. Okay, that’s not the biggest feat as I’m quite the crybaby, but this song is so painfully authentic to the mid-‘60s folk explosion that it feels like a miracle. Its sickly-sweet lyrics and soaring harmonies are delivered with such sincerity that it could easily be mistaken for a real track from its time. And Eugene Levy wrote it? Super-bonus points!
“Threshold” by Sex Bob-Omb – Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)
Emerging from director Edgar Wright’s adaptation of Bryan Lee O’Malley’s graphic novel, this fast, sloppy, riff-punk sounds like a believably good version of a song you’d hear at a random basement punk show. The relentless energy, unsubtle simplicity, and distorted vocals are just rough enough for me to believe it’s one of the millions of real bands that will never reach beyond “hometown hero” status.
“Through the Trees” by Low Shoulder – Jennifer’s Body (2009)
The production on this mini-epic of sad-boy, emo pop is perfect, but what really makes this song is Adam Brody’s lip-synch performance. He brings a slinky-sleazy vibe to the lead singer role that I adore. And as the song repeats throughout the Karyn Kusama/Diablo Cody film, it becomes an anthem… and an earworm.
“That Thing You Do!” by The Wonders – That Thing You Do! (1996)
Everything about this song and this movie (written and directed by Tom Hanks) feels real. The apple-pie, dreams-come-true ethos is grounded in a story about the painfully short life of a band. The song, written by Fountains of Wayne co-founder Adam Schlesinger, is a perfect ‘60s, one-hit-wonder track that evolves with each performance throughout the film by actors with both rock-star charisma and authentic musical chops. I wish I’d written this song.
Honorable mentions go out to the sugary pop of “I’m Not Bitter” by A.D.D. – The Rocker (2008), the raw, country honesty of “Maybe It’s Time” by Jackson “Jack” Maine – A Star is Born (2018), and Matt Damon’s scene-stealing performance of “Scotty Doesn’t Know” from Eurotrip (2004).
And much deserved love to The Mosquitoes, wherever you are. You’ll never know how you ruined me.
