I am a big fan of the Bob Odenkirk-led action picture Nobody. The Better Call Saul star plays against type as a former government operative who has resigned himself to a safe, boring family life in the suburbs, until a chance encounter springs him into action against the Russian mob. Love Hurts screenwriters Matthew Murray, Josh Stoddard, and Luke Passmore took the premise of Nobody, changed a few details, and regurgitated a screenplay absent of charm, wit, or imagination. If the two films didn’t share the same producers, someone might cry foul.
The setup for Love Hurts features Marvin Gable (Ke Huy Quan), a real-estate agent who previously worked for his brother Knuckles (Daniel Wu) doing wetwork. Marvin grew a conscience when Knuckles asked him to kill a woman named Rose (Ariana DeBose) for allegedly double-crossing him. Because Marvin developed feelings for Rose, he warned her to disappear. He then opted to fade into mild-manneredness.
However, things take a turn when Rose reappears with vengeance on her mind. On Valentine’s Day of all days. Oh, and did I mention that the Russian mob makes a requisite appearance?
Love Hurts could have been a serviceable action film, but it prioritizes lowbrow humor over intensity at every turn. The picture is so focused on unfunny jokes that the action sequences feel secondary. Sure, comedy is subjective, but the banter in Love Hurts is absent even a modicum of originality. Audience members who laughed at the jokes were the same people who laughed when the doorbell rang during a fight sequence.
The action and fight scenes could have made up for this, but Love Hurts director Jonathan Eusebio delivers lackluster fight choreography cobbled together with awkward editing. Then rushes back to the lowbrow humor, just as the hand-to-hand combat starts building interest.
Then there’s the ham-fisted exposition: In one scene, Rose tells Marvin that she gave him the amethyst he’s carrying, which is something he would already know.
Even worse is the voiceover narration, delivered by both Marvin and Rose. It’s redundant, and also — redundant. Anyone paying attention can already deduce what they’re saying.
Ke Huy Quan is a treasure, but Love Hurts wastes his talent with a character who is only a paper-thin caricature, with generic emotional depth. Similarly, all the supporting players are archetypal tropes. We have two dumb henchmen with a sensitive side, and the unsensitive antagonists are painfully one-note.
Movies like Love Hurts tend to have a successful opening weekend based on the strength of the marketing campaign. Then, word gets around… Don’t let the clever marketing fool you. Unless you love films that hurt your brain, you can skip this one.
